The Things He Does
By: Amelia Rose
Why is it that still, after all this time, STILL he makes my heart race and pound and do ridiculous back flips inside me! Still, he puts crazy, relentless butterflies in my stomach, making it twist and turn and ache. Palms sweaty, nervous, amazing cold chills.
These were the thoughts that entered the young Millie May after receiving a message from him while preparing for bed.
How can, after all this time, he still do this to me?
Yes, I still love him. I never for a moment denied that. I never stopped loving him. But I thought...I thought...
I thought it was different. That the way I love him had changed...
And it has...in a way.
I know we’re not the right people for each other. That we won’t get married or have children together. And I don’t really desire it...anymore.
In any case, I think I always knew deep inside myself we weren’t right for each other. I think back to some of the conversations we had, and I think he knew it too.
But even that never could keep me from loving him.
Loving him so much I ignored those feelings because I wanted so badly to believe that he—that we were so right together. We both wanted it to be true. We were naïve though. And in my naivety, and more than once, I myself messed things up badly enough that if there ever was a time when we were right for each other, it came and went like a shadow.
But it’s okay. Everything happens for a reason. What’s done is done, and I’d say time has worked itself out pretty well. Somehow, it cleaned up the mess we both did so much to make. It has a funny way of doing that.
Still, I just can’t get over how I love him!
How I’ve always loved him!
No one can compare with the love I feel for him. No one does what he does to me. It’s hard to imagine that anyone else will be able to make me feel the way he makes me feel. In fact, no one probably will, which makes me love him so much the more.
But it doesn’t matter. I’m no competition. No girl involved with him need have any jealousy with me, and I feel none for them. My own prince will come some day. The one that was meant for me. But even now as I know this, I can’t help the way I feel for him. I can’t help what he does to me.
Oh! How I will always love him!
I don’t even understand why or how I love him so much. I just know I do.
But even that’s not true. He gave me so much. Taught me so much. He inspired me and shaped so much of who I am, I can’t even put into words everything he did for me, does for me. The magnitude of it all is confounding. I just wish he would understand why I love him like I do. Why it was so hard for me to let go. And why even now I still love him with a zany, irrational love that while it can be tamed and harnessed, can never be mitigated.
I love him. Like a fool I love him.
And I always will. Even when he doesn’t love me, I will love him.
With all of my heart.
He’s the only person who ever could do what he does to me.