By: Amelia Rose
Falling is scary.
I know—I used to be a professional bungee jumper. I’ve come to appreciate though, that it’s not really the fall that causes fear. It’s the anticipation; the waiting. It’s the time of indecision right beforehand where your stomach curls up in knots and you question yourself. Perhaps you do not really want to jump of a cliff; speed through the frictionless air; fall thousands of feet, turning over your life to gravity—and fate. It’s not a guarantee—there’s always that chance that the chord might break and you might hurtle to your death.
But that just makes it all the more thrilling! –Once you’re off the ledge at least.
The wind whistling past your ears! The cold rush of air the chills you beneath your harness! The weird feeling when the chord tightens and for a moment you fly upward and defy gravity! Then the second, easier fall until you’re dangling by your toes as the blood rushes to your head and you see the glorious view all around you!
Exhilarating. You know it is.
It’s just the jumping off that makes you nervous.
Your feet feel the comfortable ground beneath you. They yearn to be safe. To be in control—
I know. Falling is scary—jumping off is scary.
That’s why I retired.
I grew older and my heart couldn’t handle the constant stress.
And yet now I find myself climbing up a cliff. Trying to prepare myself for something that you just can’t prepare yourself for. A big part of me yearns to be home, watching TV, doing dishes, shopping for groceries—anything else. But somehow I got here. I hadn’t planned to be here. I still don’t know if I’ll follow through. It’s not too late. I might get a strange feeling and just turn around and go home.
But that thrill…I remember it so vividly. How incredible it was, no matter where I was in my life…whenever I got the courage to jump off—I never regretted it.
But…falling is scary.
And I’m not sure I’m ready for it just yet…