Tuesday, March 17, 2009

"Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.” Anonymous


How I Feel About You in A Million Words or Less
For Ty

Love.
It’s the first think I think of
Even though it’s hard to decipher
Which kind of love it is
Then there’s
Anticipation; fear.
I want to hold back
For just awhile longer to hold back
Stay free
But I am afraid you will not let me wait
You will pull out from me; steal from me
My heart
And I will be helpless
But to fall in love with you
Helpless.
I hate being helpless…
And yet you fascinate me
With a hope
That keeps me intrigued
And wanting more
You surprise me; shock me sometimes
And that frightens me too
But I’m more afraid of myself
Than I am of you
I’m more afraid I’ll lose control
Will not be able to keep focus
But…
I think you will not let me be ashamed
You will help me reach my goal
For it is your goal too…you say; I believe.
And so I hope on…
It is a dreadful hope.
I dread your return
And yet I cannot wait!
To see you
To meet you
To really meet you
And get to know you
Body and soul
You entice me
And yet I bid you stay
Away; there where you are
For a little while longer, stay
Because I am not ready yet
Not ready
To put my heart on the line
Again.
But thenWill I ever be?
Maybe I need a little shove
Out of the nest
But falling is scary!
But maybe I need it…
To force me to fly?
To give me that thrill?
Too young.
Much too young to be married.
Too young, too pretty, too talented
Too sick, too strong, too smart, too arrogant.
Too prideful.
Excuses.
They count for nothing.
We share,
You and I
Something that cannot be duplicated
A chance
One in a million
We share this time of our life;
These crazy special pieces
That are key to shaping our eternal identities.
Perhaps just to encourage each other towards right paths;
To build a friendship.
Or maybe to build something more.
Something deeper.
Something eternal…together?
Maybe.
I have no clue.
I really don’t know what to think about you sometimes.
Good and bad you remind me…of others…
I won’t have a clue for another year and four months.
Perhaps longer.
I hope longer.
And perhaps we’re not meant for eternity.
Just friends forever.
But I think…
Whatever the case may be…
As scary as it may seem (at least for me)
You and I,
We’ll sure have fun finding out!

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